OI NORTON U C@NTS , WHERE'S MY F@CKING BIKE .

TWO YEARS SINCE I ORDERED A NEW 961 NORTON , YEAR N HALF SINCE I PAID IN FULL (WHEN THEY SAID IT'S READY AT THE END OF THE MONTH !) STILL NO BIKE . NO REFUND EITHER - YET .

THIS MONTH I SUE THEIR ASSES ORF !

Ok , so it reminds me of some music (funnily enough ) as most things do .

Firstly Roy Chubby Browns best ever Christmas song .....

Oi Santa Claus you c.nt where's my fu.king bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk And there's nothin that I like.

I wrote you a fu.king letterAnd I come to see you twice

You worn out geriatric fart you forgot my fu.kin bike

Mint , just insert "stuart Garner" instead of Santa and "Bullshitting letters" instead of junk and i think we have it in a nutshell .

Next up we have a couple of Sex Pistol numbers , The great rock n roll swindle LP because whilst playing it , i had It's a Swindle ringing in my ears for days ....

NORTON - it's a swindle.

Also from the "never mind the Bollocks LP , Liar .

Lie lie lie lie liar you lie lie lie lie

Tell me why tell me why

Why d'you have to lie

Should've realised that you

Should've told the truth

Should've realised

You know what I'll do

Reminds me of the Norton Sales team , plenty of lies , more lies and empty promises .

Finally the Cramps , "A date with Elvis " ,

because you're as likely to get a date with the King as get a bike from Norton !

(He's dead by the way ).

But also on this LP (we are talking Vylnil here) the song Kizmiaz ......

Take a magic carpet ride to the olden days

to a mythical land where everybody lays

around in the clouds in a happy daze

in Kizmiaz ..Kizmiaz

Yes that's Kiss my ass ! and i think that sums up my Norton buying experience in full .

Never mind the Bollocks , where's my bike ????

Ahh well , that's just my own opinion and how i feel right now .

I'm still gonna getta Norton and cut it up and make a Streettracker outta it - and i'm gonna call it "The Swindler" - now you know why .

PS - just after i paid for the bike i visited the "factory " at Donington , the engine building room was shut and nobody could find who had the key (really ?) ..... but i put my camera up to the window to get a pic of hundreds of Norton twin motors being made ..... and this pic is what i saw !

Yep , Five half built motors ...... i got a leg up (and more photos ) that was it not much on the shelves and definatley not enought to build 5 motors up !

So i guess , they have supplier difficulties and cash flow problems (which gives you suppliers problems - they don't like non-payers !) as i had expected , but they are still taking peoples money for something they can't supply .... anyone wanna put a word on that ?

Yea we all know what it is ,

The greatest rock n roll Swindle ....

Lots of feedback , fade out singer , wipe up spit from floor and Kizmiaz .

Story and words Supplied to us by Ilene Dover .